I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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