I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Everything about him screamed your future.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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