So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Nobody cheats on THIS.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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