So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
