I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
