Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
