eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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