i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
