so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
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I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
All the doctor said was why
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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