chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
