there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
