We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
