Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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