Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
