I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
