so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
