Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
