wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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