Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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