i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
