My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize