I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
