The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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