so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
My feet surprised me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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