i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I don't think brook has ever known best
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
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i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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