the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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