Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
