I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
