Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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