Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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