my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
