When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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