and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
