That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
