I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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