Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
