i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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