I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Randomize
