I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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