I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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