My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
