i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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