So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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