May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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