I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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