My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
