he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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