That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
