So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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