i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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