obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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