i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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