so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
