you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
