pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
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