it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
