You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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