I hope mine doesn't look like that
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
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It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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