so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
