Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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