Too much gin, very little bucket
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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