community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
