Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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