if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
where am i from again
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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