think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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