Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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