I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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