I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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