Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
