She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
