Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
