Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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